Midwife Found Dead In Alley: A midwife by the name of Alyce was found dead last night at approximately 11:00 PM. We suspect it was a drive by shooting as many people witnesses a horse-drawn farrarie (or however you spell it) drove past the alley and fired blindly in. The weapon used was familiar AK-47; a weapon used by the noctorious Jane "Sharp". However, three months ago Alyce was accepted by Jane and by now Jane has spent endless hours creating the perfect midwife. "We can make her faster, stronger, EVILER!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Jane once said in an interview. As you can see, Jane is too much of a $@#%! to kill off her hard work. Instead we've been looking into the cat. He is a noctorious gun owner and is know to kick babies and small dogs. The cat was always through, which would explain why the farrarie made a second pass around the alley to shoot in it again. In an interview at The Cat once said, "Meow, meow meow. Meow-wow-wow HISSSSSSSS!!!" The police made a raid on his house and found an AK-47 with a half empty clip in it, along with horses, a farrarie, a pile of dead babies, and a small armies of robotic monkies with plans to rule the world pinned on their backs. The Cat has been charged with failing to dispose of ammo safely. He is facing two days in prison.