May Is The Harbenger Of Doom

May is the harbenger of doom. According to a cave man drawing made 11,000 years ago, the world will end on May 4th. Acording to the cave man drawings, "a great stampede of mastadons shalt decend upon the village, crushing straw, and wood, and bone. Then the survivors shall dance wilst lightning burns them. And the cat dies with them." Since cavemen have never been wrong we're obviously going to die. I'd suggest shirking work, burning effigy's, prank calling, and not doing any work what so ever. Personaly I'd stock up on elephant guns to take out the mastadons. Be careful and let the force be with you.

Parakeets Are Evil

Parakeets are pure evil and obviously intellegent. It all started when Alyce was cursed at be Pagy, the parakeet. The parakeet said, "Lets snoop out yo #@$ $#@%&%$%#@$&! in the %#$@ $@# $@ #$@%&! Mickey Mouse's @$#!!!!!" Alyce shot the parakeet to death shortly after splashing it with holy water. It may not be long before parakeets decend upon us in an army of evil birds. In fact it will be much like the movie the birds. We estimate the parakeets will make their move after mastadons decend upon the village. That is all.