Man Eats Own Head

Yesterday aftenoon our reporters recieved reports that a man in Afghanistan managed to devour his own head. The man, known as Mahale,'s friend said this, "Mahale had been training for seven hears to try this. He started his day by stretching his lips and then for the rest of the day he chewed gum to improve his jaw strength. He kept this up until he could stretch his lips around his head. Three weeks before attempting this he had his teeth direction reversed. He then stretched hid jaw around hsi head and chomped down." After he ate his head his entire head reversed on itself, breaking every bone in his face and spilling his brain on the floor. "It was quite disgusting." said Mahale's friend, "Some kid mistook the brain for a pile of pink-purple noodles and ate it." The kid is now at home and won't be going to school for a week since he is sick. 

HP Notebooks Can Explode

A recent study showed that if you hold down the esc key for about 10 seconds your HP notebook can explode. This virus was spread around shortly after "Live Free or Die Hard" was released. In the film anyone hitting the esc key exploded and the creators of the virus (the creators still have not been identified) imitaded this. However they weren't able to get the computors to instantly explode. The first time the virus was uncovered was in a Best Buy when a four year old held down the button and unwittingly destroyed the laptop and burned down the Best Buy. There was only one reported death; Ronald McDonald who just happened ot be buying a new cash register. He will not be missed. The pentagon is working on fixing the problem and say, "Use control, alt, delete, but NEVER hit the esc button... cause you'll explode."