Citrus Fruits Can Kill!

HNN's scientific fields corespondent, Dr. Albenhoff, has conducted a long straineous project to find the affects of citrus fruit on peoples health. Over one-hundred people were fed citrus fruit, from age 2 to 60, and observed over hundred and twenty year period. The results were very, very, shocking. "What we found is that after 120 years of close observation," stated Dr. Albenhoff, "100% of the test subjects had died." Albenhoff also noted that the oldest people began to die off first, growing feeble and wrinkly, before perishing. "If your seventy years old and eat lots of citrus you may die within the next one to forty years." he says. Many doubters say the test subjects deaths were from natural causes and getting hit by buses.

The citrus we used was all natural and transported via buses.

We are now in conference with other news stations to see if they will spread the word. They said, and I quote, "You do know people die from old age right? Jeez, you're all idiots!" However Albenhoff countered saying, "100% of people who eat citrus fruit die of old age you say? That just can't be a coincidence!" This could be an odd side affect of citrus fruits resulting in the eaters horrible, horrible death.

Here's is a list of things to do and check off if you've been eating citrus fruit.

• Burn the fruit. Burn it all. Don't breath the smoke in as it could infect you. You do not have confermation if the poison in citrus now code named "C".
• Do not eat any citus fruits. Ever.
• Side affects of citrus are numerable, ranging from baldness, to wrinkly skin, to memory loss, and ever getting hit by buses.
• If a loved one you know eats citrus and has been for the past at least twenty years remember: you can only purge citrus with fire.
• If your gums fall out along with your teeth do not worry. Your strict anti-citrus enviroment is working.
• And remember the most important thing: HNN is not responcible to any deaths caused by wild, out-of-control citrus burnings.

For more information do not search the internet. They will tell you to ignore this advice and continue eating citrus. Don't. This is HNN singing out.